What Haunts You?

What haunts you?  Spiders, regrets, the most obvious... ghosts?  Maybe.  What haunts me?  Perfection.  And let me let you in on a little secret...  It's unattainable, but this doesn't stop me from trying.  I once had an acquaintance who was a psychiatrist ask me if I had OCD.  Umm, isn't that your call, Doc?  It was decided upon that I was not OCD.  I was me.  Plain, simple, perfectionistically crazy.

Surprisingly enough I don't mind skipping the brush and pulling my hair back in a hair tie, wearing yoga pants and my husband's old t-shirts, and heading out into the big, bad world without a lick of makeup on - for some reason this does not bother me one bit.  But I assure you that my house is (typically) spic, span, and tidy.  My socks/panties/bras are all neatly folded and their respectable drawers, which are impeccably organized.  My little people are dressed up, matching, and hair is done, even when we are just slumming around the house.

This perfectionism was a blessing and a curse during school.  My grades were generally quite good, but how much extra time did I spend tweaking and obsessing over little things that probably translated to minimal contributions to my final grades.  Maybe this isn't true.  For my final final I decided to skip studying.  Why waste my time?  This grade did not carry enough weight to bring my overall grade down (or up) to change my final GPA.  This final would have no bearing on me getting or not getting future employment.  So what's the risk, right?  I let go.  It felt great, yet immensely uncomfortable at the same time.  And do you know what?  I bombed that test.  Lowest grade ever.  But.  It.  Didn't.  Matter.  The world kept spinning.  I still graduated.  Life goes on.

I need to get better at realizing what can go and what can't.  And while many people may say most things can go, I recognize that I am most comfortable in a world that is clean and organized.  I cannot will not let that go.  Actually, I am going to look into getting a few additional hours each day.  I think most would agree with me that this would be the best solution.

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